When I arrived in New York City just short of a year ago, I made the excellent decision to become involved in AWNY, joining the Communications Committee.
It was at one of the first gatherings that I met Michele, a fellow Australian hailing from Sydney. We got chatting, sharing our life stories including what brought us to this dynamic city.
When Michele told me that she had become a mum for the first time in NYC, I had a million questions. Unfortunately time wasn’t on my side that particular day, so I suggested we catch up at a later date.
The idea of writing a story about Michele’s unique experience of becoming a new parent in The Big Apple dawned on me and upon suggesting this to her, Michele graciously accepted to share her journey.
Hello Michele and thank you so much for agreeing to share your journey to motherhood in The Big Apple.
First things first – What brought you to the US?
As a child growing up in Sydney, Australia, I always wanted to work and live overseas.
I loved traveling but of course, never had enough time off so I knew that working in a different country would be a great way to spend more time there, and get a feel for how the locals live.
As my childhood was heavily influenced by American pop culture, the US was naturally top of my list. In particular, Seinfeld and The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air were my favourite shows to watch on telly. A lack of language barrier also added to the appeal!
Working in the Digital Innovation team at Optus early in my career had exposed me to a few of the start ups in which they had invested. I loved the fast pace and the experimental nature of the start up environment, and I knew that San Francisco (SF) was the mecca for this. So in 2018, with a few years’ experience under my belt and some money saved up, I decided that now was the time to make the move and look for jobs in SF.
As luck would have it, I secured a job with a company that was willing to sponsor my work visa and began my new life living abroad in SF. It was here that I met my future husband Ray, who is originally from New York.
Although living in NYC wasn’t necessarily on my bucket list, we relocated there as Ray was keen to be closer to family, especially during the Covid pandemic.
Was starting a family so far away from your Sydney home a big decision?
Not long after we married, I applied for my Green Card. While I was talking to our immigration lawyer about the timeline and path to citizenship, I learned it would take a few years and living outside the US during this time would basically ‘reset the clock’. From that conversation, I knew that we’d probably end up having kids born in the US.
I have never fantasied about being a mum, but it’s always been something I thought I would do (if that makes sense). Growing up I was the youngest, so I didn’t have much exposure to babies but of course I love all babies now! When I thought about having a baby, I always thought I’d be back in Australia with my mum, my friends and 12 months’ maternity leave! Working in Australia, it was so normal to see people go on maternity leave for a year and then return to their same job. I think the Australian system is so great in that way. I’m so jealous of my Aussie friends who are all taking their hard earned mat leave!
I feel like the 12 months of mat leave is an Aussie ‘birth right’ – pun intended! It’s something we are so lucky to have as women. I was more annoyed at losing the mat leave than at having a kid overseas. I’m lucky that I have wonderful in-laws who live 45 minutes away from us, so they have been super supportive in helping with babysitting when we need it.
So back to your original question – It wasn’t a hard decision, but it wasn’t my preferred choice. It just made the most sense to start trying for a family when we felt ready because family planning is unpredictable and you never know how long it will take.
What advice would you give any mums as they prepare for their pregnancy in NYC?
1. BUILD YOUR MUM NETWORK – I had been doing yoga at a local studio already and joined their pre-natal classes in my third trimester. For me, it was less about the yoga and more about finding pregnant women who lived close by so I could make friends with them!
I also joined a few WhatsApp groups for local mums. It’s so important to have mum friends close by that you can hang out with. The mum chats are great for communal knowledge – but make sure to meet in real life too.
Be the brave one that suggests a monthly coffee meet-up – there will be plenty of grateful mums who will attend!
2. OB-GYN – See your ob-gyn as soon as possible to build a rapport, and to determine your pregnancy- and birth plans. I also listened to a few podcasts about birth stories to familiarize myself with the different options and scenarios that might happen so it wouldn’t be so daunting. I also watched some webinars hosted by my hospital.
3. KEEP YOUR ROUTINE (as much as you can)- When I first found out I was pregnant, I was excited but also sad because I felt like there were so many things I wanted to do which I wouldn’t be able to do with a baby in tow. I wasn’t ready to give up the flexibility and freedom that comes with being an adult with no kids!
While there will definitely be some changes to your schedule, especially in the early months of having a newborn; before the baby comes as well as after things have settled down (ie, once the baby has arrived!) be sure to go out and do things you want to do. Keep your ‘non-mum’ persona – you will be a mum but you are also your own separate person!
4. BUDGET – Having a baby is an expensive period of your life so where possible we sourced baby paraphernalia through FB Marketplace. Also extremely useful were the FB Buy Nothing groups in our area (and those local mum WhatsApp groups!). Getting onto these groups (specific to our neighbourhood) saved us lots of money (and was definitely kinder on the environment through support of the circular economy).
How did you identify your medical team to support you during your pregnancy?
Having already lived in NYC for a few years, I had my own ob-gyn. She happened to work out of, and deliver at a hospital near my home.
My priority was to have a doctor that I could easily access for my appointments; and a hospital that was within easy commute for when the big day arrived (NYC’s traffic can be horrendous so definitely pick a hospital close to your home).
My ob-gyn’s fees, along with hospital fees associated with the birth, were partly covered by my insurance. But of course, anyone reading this story who is either contemplating having a baby here in NYC, or expecting a baby would need to double-check with their own insurance provider.
As it happened, when the big day arrived, my doctor was not scheduled to work. I knew that this was a possibility. Fortunately, I had already met many of the other doctors and medical support staff, so I knew that I was in excellent hands and felt reassured throughout the birth of our daughter, Ari.
Making sure I understood what could happen and what the treatment options were helped me learn the language to discuss this with my doctor. I kept a note on my phone and added all the questions I’d have between appointments so I’d always remember all the things I wanted to ask.
How did you balance work and pregnancy?
I was fortunate that my employer’s working hours were 10 – 6 pm, which was really great as this meant that I was able to miss rush hour in the morning. This was particularly useful when I was feeling tired.
An observation during this time, especially when my pregnancy became more visible, was how kind people were on the subway, regularly offering up their seat.
My workplace also allowed me time to attend my routine checkups (my manager had recently had his second child so I was very grateful he was empathetic to what the pregnancy/ newborn era was like).
I was fortunate to remain well throughout my pregnancy, and because of this, at around six months, my husband and I took a trip to Japan. It was a great way to break up the duration of the pregnancy.
What resources did you reach for most during your pregnancy?
The two main resources I most commonly relied upon included the The Birth Hour podcast as well as the book, Expecting Better by Emily Oster.
The hospital that I attended also offered extensive birth courses (mostly online).
What was it like on the day of Baby Ari’s arrival and what advice would you give based on that?
The weekend I gave birth in September 2024 was really hot. I had gone out with friends for dinner and Ray was Upstate on a fishing trip. Feeling not quite right, I excused myself from the dinner and went home. I suspected that my waters had broken (but it was such a hot day I wasn’t 100% sure..!)
Luckily, I had enough time to pack my overnight bag and took myself to the hospital for a quick check. I didn’t want to seem like I was making something out of nothing – especially as I wasn’t officially due for three more weeks.
As my waters had indeed broken, I promptly called my husband, who returned to NYC with haste. To prepare myself for the birth, I quickly downed a Vegemite sandwich and two hard-boiled eggs (a very Australian snack!) Soon after, I received the epidural, which made such a difference and before we knew it, Ari was born.
We hadn’t arranged any of the changing table/bassinet stuff yet so poor Ray had to run around getting that set up with an emotional baby (me) and a newborn! But you don’t need a picture perfect nursery set up beforehand, just make sure you have the nappies, a bassinet, a car seat, clothes, swaddles and change table. (Also get yourself a nice comfy robe! You’re going to be living in it for the first few months, especially if you’re choosing to breastfeed.)
Ultimately, don’t be nervous, but take some time to educate yourself on your options and different scenarios so you don’t feel overwhelmed in the moment and can make informed decisions that are right for you.
And then two became three..
What happened once Ari was born?
I only stayed two nights in hospital before I was discharged. Unlike in other parts of the world (including Australia), I wasn’t provided with any home support, so it was up to me and Ray (and baby Ari) to work out what becoming a family was all about!
I was determined to breastfeed, and as Ari had issues with attaching, we initially utilized the expertise of a lactation consultant (an out-of-pocket expense).
Prior to Ari’s arrival, I had already found a pediatrician who was taking new patients. We visited the pediatrician the day after Ari’s birth and a few days later. Check-ups were then on a weekly basis for some time. Again, I totally recommend finding someone who works near your home for practical reasons.
Regarding maternity and paternity leave, I received 4 months and Ray was entitled to 4.5 months, so we were able to stagger it. This allowed Ari to have more one-on-one time with her Dad, and for us to not rush finding child care.
Fortunately, we also had lots of help from family during this time with Ray’s family being relatively close by. I will always look back at this time as such a significant period as a new family.
Thanks so much for sharing your story Michele! And even better that Ray has joined us for the last part of our interview.
In closing, can you each share your final pieces of advice?
Michele – Overall I feel so grateful that my experience of becoming a mother was very good. I tried to stick to my pre-pregnancy routine as much as possible: doing light exercise, catching up with friends, keeping social and mobile (a winter pregnancy might make this harder!)
Don’t be afraid to call your doctor or nurse if you think something is wrong. I had a few false alarms and felt a bit silly/ paranoid going in for check ups but this is what they’re there for. It’s better to be safe than sorry.
And lastly, stay off social media! Unless you’re posting about your precious baby, the moment Instagram gets a whiff that you are pregnant, you’ll be inundated with baby products, baby milestone videos and baby things to do/not do. I found this really overwhelming and I would freak out that I wasn’t doing all the things I was supposed to be doing with each milestone.
Don’t let the internet tell you how to take care of your baby! Trust your gut and your pediatrician (and don’t Google everything, you can figure it out, our parents did, and we turned out great! 🙂 )
Ray – I was lucky enough to be able to come to all of the doctor’s appointments, though I think it didn’t really hit me that I was going to be a dad til I met Ari in the delivery room!
In the beginning, since we had nothing set up it was a real trial by fire, and with the exhaustion from night feedings, there were a few whisper fights but also a lot of delirious laughing.
My advice is to enjoy the experience, remember to get your wife treats and that you don’t need to buy everything in advance. Especially living in a small NYC apartment, it’s better to buy things when you need them than try and store all these optional gadgets. You can always buy what you need online pretty fast or shop the second-hand markets!